Whiskey and Ghosts
by SomeoneElsesDream
Summary: No one can do it alone...not even John R&R for Cookies!


**Title:** Whiskey and Ghosts  
**Author:** SomeoneElsesDream  
**Rating: **Uhh...rated T for tissues and tears  
**Disclaimer:** All I own is debt . . . you can take that anytime you like. Oh…the summary is from Grey's Anatomy…don't sue…and the song is Please Forgive Me by Melissa Etheridge  
**Summary:** At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

She was an army brat running a diner off route 40 just outside of Amarillo, Texas. Her husband had been a marine…but that was another life. Widowed almost 2 years she understood something about the demons in his heart, and she wasn't looking for forever. The day he breezed into her life she knew what she was getting herself into. She never knew when he would show up on her doorstep, never knew how long he would stay. There was nothing constant about her wandering man, nothing except for the pain. He never made any promises, tried to be as honest as he could, but some things a woman knows without knowing.

_**It's been so long since I've touched**_

_**So long since I wanted**_

_**Then you made me laugh**_

_**And my heart opened**_

The first time he took her to his bed it was awkward, and a little sweet. Neither of them had been with anyone since the death of their spouse, and she had never been with anyone else. When it was over he held her until she fell asleep before slipping off into the night. If not for the scrawled note by the bathroom sink she might have thought him a dream.

It would be a few weeks before he came back again, with a smile that wouldn't light his eyes. He had met up with his sons for the first time in a year, and he was warring with his decision to leave them again. She didn't say anything, he didn't want her to, she just kept the coffee coming until they both needed something a little stronger.

_**I want you to find me charming and wise**_

_**I just want you to find me**_

_**Somewhere here inside**_

_**I barely know you**_

_**We've been sort of friends**_

_**So what if I called you and called you again**_

_**What would I tell you**_

_**Where would I begin**_

When they came together the second time, in a haze of Jack Daniels and lust, it was amazing. She never knew it could be that way with a man, and he delighted in showing her what he was capable of. When the storm between them calmed, while dozing lightly against his chest she whispered,

"Stay"

And although he was never quite sure why, he stayed for nearly a week.

_**Please forgive me**_

_**If I don't know what to do**_

_**It's an old fire**_

_**This familiar desire**_

_**But my skin is painfully new**_

The next time he found his way to her door it was drenched to the skin and drunk enough to fell a horse. Half delirious with cold from the rain, and out of his mind with drink, he was suddenly eager to talk. He babbled on incessantly while she worked to get him out of his wet clothes, spoke eloquently of his sons while she sobered him up, and when the violent sickness left him weak and shaking he spoke softly about love. Tucking him gently into bed she couldn't help but love this broken man, and even though she knew it was foolish, she found herself wishing for the impossible.

_**There's a light in my window**_

_**It shines all night long**_

_**In the morning my longing**_

_**Is sweet but it's strong**_

_**I carefully reach out from behind these walls**_

**_I'll take a deep breath and give you my all_**

The last time they were together he made her breakfast in bed, and his smile lit up his eyes. This was the man she always wanted, buried somewhere deep inside the man she loved. They spent the day lazily in bed, venturing to the kitchen periodically to forage for food. That night he paid homage to her beauty, and she paid respect to his strength. When they finally slept, wrapped up in each other, it was with a sense of peace they had not felt in a terribly long time. When the new morning came she couldn't hold back any longer.

"I love you"

She'll never forget the last time she saw him, pain etched on his features as he struggled with words that would not come. A friend of his had died, or so he said, leaving her yet again. He had his things packed, he was just waiting to say goodbye. He kissed her quickly, but had nothing to say, the words she so desperately wanted were stuck in his chest.

She never saw him again.

_**Lost in this hole**_

_**That has ripped through my soul**_

_**I unlock this secret inside**_

_**What should I think**_

_**I've had too much to drink**_

_**As my mind and my body collide**_

Months passed without another visit and finally she couldn't take it anymore. She called the only number she had, and listening to the message about his death she finally broke. She went through the motions of her life, telling herself that it was never meant to be, but still she looked up every time someone walked through the door. Many nights she took a bottle of Jack to bed with her, toasting a love that was never given a chance, because even though he never said it…some things a woman knows without knowing.

**A/N:** This has possibly been the biggest pain in the ass to write like…ever!!! John wanted it on his terms and you don't know frustration until you fight a Winchester…gack! So I decided that if he wasn't willing to talk I would find someone who was…it was getting her to shut up that was the hard part. Yeesh. Let me know if you like it, John still won't speak to me so I have no idea what he thinks….as if I care.


End file.
